hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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