I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
