Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
