the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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