you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
