kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
