Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
