ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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