Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
