$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
