guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
