just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
