i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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