I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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