Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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