ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
