It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
