We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
