You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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