just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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