It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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