A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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