I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
