I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
