Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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