All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
