Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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