he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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