those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
