I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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