Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How does it feel to date your dad?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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