What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
