i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
