Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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