I'm jealous of your bromance
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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