dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
