omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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