"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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