she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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