I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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