I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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