So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
