I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
