Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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