Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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