You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
