I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
