And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
