This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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