just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
